|
5 BDSM 101 |
|||
|
|
|
|
Previous Page |
Return to Main Menu |
Next Page |
|
|
|
|
BDSM 101
by
the Goddess Lakshimi
D/S, S/M, and B/D are the terms most often
used in society today. They are distinctly different in that D/S stands for
Dominance and Submission, S/M stands for Sadism and Masochism while B/D stands
for Bondage and Discipline. These are three distinctly different lifestyles.
But remember at all times and in each of the
separate lifestyles all actions must be SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL.
The terms are not interchangeable, yet one
lifestyle may lead into another or may overlap another depending upon the
limits agreed upon by both consenting parties.
As the relationship continues to grow and
expand the limits may be changed by both parties and therefore lead from one
lifestyle to the next.
S/M may be and usually is incorporated in
both or either of the other two lifestyles in one form or another or may be
considered a separate lifestyle on its own.
These lifestyles might be better referred to
as a form of alternative relationships, each of them being a form of love in
which one person controls and the other person surrenders willingly, never
forcefully.
First, some terminology is necessary:
Dominant one - the controlling person. They may be a Master, a
Mistress, a Dom, a Domme, a Goddess, a Lord, a Switch, or a Top.
submissive one - the one who chooses to be controlled or dominated.
They may be a submissive, a slave, a switch, or a bottom.
submissive - one who chooses to be submissive but who does not
give total control of all aspects of their lives to a Dominant one.
slave - one who has given all aspects of their lives, physically, sexually,
and mentally to be controlled by a Dominant one and who usually has a
contracted relationship.
Dom or Domme - one who is a Dominant one.
Master or Mistress - A Dominant one who has accepted the gift of
submission from a submissive one who then has become theirs.
Floating or subbie space - The state where the submissive one relinquishes
all control to the Dominant one, and simply put, floats on a cloud, thus
reaching a state of euphoria.
Switch - one who chooses at different times to be either a Dominant one or a
submissive one.
bottom - one who chooses to be scened or sessioned by a Dominant one but who
is not necessarily a submissive one.
Top - one who chooses to scene or session a submissive one but who is not
necessarily a Dominant one.
Goddess - usually a Domme who has been trained under the “Old Guard” and who
has earned the right to be worshipped and obeyed and who trains other Dom/mes,
Masters, Mistresses, submissives, Switches, Tops, bottoms, and slaves.
Lord - the masculine equivalent of Goddess.
Sadist - one who likes to inflict pain upon another.
Masochist - one who likes to have pain inflicted upon them by
another.
Limits - these are actions, areas, or degrees of pain and/or experiences that
are not to be inflicted upon a submissive one.
Safeword - a word or gesture that has been agreed upon
between a Dominant one and a submissive one that should it be used by someone
during a scene or session will cause the other person to have an immediate
agreed upon response.
boy - a term used for a submissive male without regard to actual true age.
girl - a term used for a submissive female without regard to actual true
age.
Dominatrix - a female Dominant one who gets paid for scening or
sessioning a submissive one.
Implements-toys-accouterments - Anything that is used during a scene or session by
a Dominant one on a submissive one.
Although a Dom or Domme can be a Master or
Mistress not all are. If the Dom or Domme chooses to accept a submissive one
for their own, they can become the Master or Mistress to that one.
The major differences in the two lifestyles,
D/S and B/D, is that of pain and humiliation. In the D/S lifestyle control by
use of pain or humiliation rarely occurs. The control is relinquished by the
submissive one willingly to the Dominant one. The Dominant one controls by
voice and minor punishment. In the B/D scene the punishment is more severe and
pain and humiliation is more a part of the ongoing relationship is
in-corporated in scenes or sessions on a regular basis. Punishment is given for
misdeeds or failure to obey, warmth is given for obeying. One must remember this
is a game of love, and that love must be shown at all times, even during the
act of punishment.
When one speaks of punishment, one must also
speak of limits. Limits are agreed upon prior to the start of any part of this
lifestyle. These limits must be adhered to by all parties involved. The
submissive one submits and trusts the Dominant one that these limits will not
be exceeded. They must never be exceeded under any circumstances, without first
discussing them between the two parties and mutually agreeing to remove or
extend the limit in question.
Mutual respect and trust is of the utmost
importance in these lifestyles. When mutual trust disappears, the parties
should re-evaluate the relationship immediately. Remember this trust is earned
over a long period of time but may be lost in a split second. Seldom when a
trust is truly violated can the same degree of trust ever be regained.
Many Master/Mistresses are good teachers and
can teach their submissive one on their own. But in many cases a
Master/Mistress chooses to have another Dominant one teach their submissive one
for them. They may or may not choose to have their submissive one serve that
Dominant one in any other capacity than as a scene. Submissive ones may be
trained by a Dominant one without already having a Master or Mistress to serve,
be chosen by the Dominant one to serve, or stay as free a submissive one with
no one to serve.
In all cases the Dominant one and the
Master/Mistress are responsible for the protection and safety of the submissive
one. They must honor and cherish them as much as they are cherished by them.
Love and respect reins above all in these relationships.
The use of safe words comes into play at
this point. There are usually two safe words that have been agreed upon and
understood by both parties. One safe word usually means that the submissive one
is being pushed to his limits and when used the Dominant one eases off slightly
and takes more time to get the submissive one to the place where they want them
to go. The second safe word, when used by the submissive one tells the Dominant
one that something is wrong and the scene, session or the action stops
immediately and the Dominant ensures the safety and well being of the submissive
one. Under no circumstances can the action continue unless mutually agreed
upon. Should the action continue without the permission of the submissive one
then it is no longer a consensual act but one of force.
If you are submissive/slave it means that
you consent - or choose - to submit. In other words, your submission is a gift
that should be respected by whomever you choose as your Dominant. If you are
Dominant, you consent to accept that gift and respect the person who offers it.
Failure to do so may ultimately cause you to be ostracized from the community.
Whatever takes place in a session/scene is the result of a prior careful
discussion by both partners of the submissive’s limits. And it DOES mean that
the Dominant one must always respect those limits.
Everything
is these lifestyles should be
SAFE,
SANE, AND CONSENSUAL
source: albanypowerexchange