TRAINING

by Rob Hart

“I want to be trained”

These are delightful words to hear. They show desire, they promise fun, and they speak of trust. But what does it mean to train a submissive? It is far more than instructing a submissive on the expectations of a particular Dominant, or making him a good “generic slave” (there being no such thing). It is also never a one-way flow of information or learning.

I think of training in four contexts, which often occur simultaneously to some degree. And at my stage of development both in terms of relationships and D/s, none of them occur outside the context of an ongoing relationship.

1. Introduction to BDSM

A novice who has yet to experience much play with discipline, toys, language, role-playing, humiliation and so on needs to be gradually introduced to a taste of each. This will let him gauge his appetite for more, and to deal with whatever concerns or issues he may need to address internally and with his Dominant before proceeding.

This process of taste, consider, resolve, proceed continues and repeats itself, both for particular activities and for D/s itself. Whether submissive or Dominant we all need to come to terms with what we like, why we like it, what it means about us, what it means about our partners and what it will mean for our relationships.

Training can help a submissive find his limits, hard and soft, and determine what level of submission and erotic power exchange he needs and enjoys. Is he a “brat” who wants to misbehave and be soundly disciplined? Is he a “good boy” who is eager to please and hates to be found misbehaving?

An experienced submissive needs less of this “trying out” but it is still required to confirm mutual understanding when he communicates his needs. When he says, “I like severe discipline, but not humiliation,” what does he mean?

2. Mutual Introduction

Training is also the way in which a Dominant shows a submissive “This is how erotic power exchange will be with Me.” At the same time He is learning what kind of submissive he is and whether he will meet His needs both physically and emotionally in this sphere.

To wield power over someone you must understand them. The more power is used, the more spontaneously and dramatically, the more often, the more understanding is required. Otherwise that power will not be used well and rightly. Training is part of how a Dominant learns the initial outline of a submissive’s needs, enough to build upon later through constant further learning and mutual growth.

A good Dominant is flexible on some points. A slave who was very dear to me had difficulty shaving - it irritated him badly. Being a generous soul and valuing him greatly, I did not impose this unwanted discomfort on him - I merely gave him a couple of firm, playful smacks each and every time the area was exposed to remind him to thank me for my generosity.

3. Molding the Relationship

Training is indeed learning the technical details of a Dominant’s expectations. If I say “Stand easy” or “kneel up,” what do I mean?

It is also reaching an understanding together of how the relationship will work. What will be between two people is never dictated only by one, even one who is One. It is the combination of two and their needs.

Training can also mean retraining. What will be between two will also not be what has been between any other two. Whether good or bad, there is a human tendency to recreate or replay what has been familiar - even if it is not what would be best. We try what worked before, and we repeat the same self-defeating behavior, until we learn to recognize it. Training can be a means, for a submissive at least, to start something new. My own view is that it is desirable in relationships if the Dominant also approaches things differently each time, both to assure his slave he is not being made into a replica of someone else and to condition Himself to be with someone new.

A submissive does not want to hear about the glorious oral skills of a past partner (although he will be told how to improve his; glorious or not there is always room for improvement), this is not terribly ego-enhancing. A Dominant also does not wish to hear that “Master Paul always did … . “ These desires are simply the wise and positive wish to be with who you are with here and now.

However, “bad” habits may need to be abandoned and new ones learned. “Bad” may mean truly troubling and disturbing, ultimately unhealthy, or simply not the best way - and sometimes best is simply “new.” It is always best if what is created is unique. The special name I give you will not have been given to another; the true collar I affix to your neck will never have graced another’s and the particular ways and means you please Me will be yours.

4. Specialization and Increasing Erotic Competence

Training can also be undertaken specifically to introduce particular acts or toys to erotic play, and to create a particular role, such as pony boy. A submissive who has never engaged in any form of anal play may be gradually introduced to it through “anal training.”

Public behavior is another particular area of training a slave may be required to master if his Master wishes to take him into public D/s settings. Do you want to interact in public in ways that express your private relationship?

While it can be fun, it can be tiresome if most new activities were formalized in this way, but if a submissive has issues to work through and wants help working through them the structure of “training” can help do this gradually, and can give a sense of accomplish-ment.

Specifics?

There are lots of websites with descriptions commands, positions, and expectations. This is something a Dominant truly must make his own, for it must flow naturally from within Him. Enforcing someone else’s rules is both bothersome and joyless. All I will say about my specific expectations and approach to training is that Professor Higgins had it right when with Eliza Doolittle.

Not that any boy plucked off the street can be made into a proper young man, there is indeed an inner quality that must be present. No, rather here are the general areas that good training for a boy should cover (and all the best boys are young at least at heart).

- Personal Hygiene - a boy is always clean and fresh, hair well kept (where he still has it)

- Proper Speech - knowing proper forms of address and to please by sound alone.

- Deportment - grace should be evident in how he adopts and keeps any posture and in his dress.

- Etiquette - knowledge of precedence and how to deal with better and equal.

Now when a boy has mastered all of those, he is suitable to have a Master. For with such a boy, a Master has a suitable companion and one he knows will bring him credit.

Final Thoughts

The medium of training is also an important reflection of the emotional side of the relationship. Most submissives want not only physical play but the emotional nurturing that is part of any good relationship. Those seeking a Master as well as a Dominant may also find comfort in the concept of guidance.

The role of teacher is a familiar embodiment of authority that is benevolent, intended for your welfare, and seeking to improve and strengthen you. This expresses, in many ways, the role of Master and slave - including the fact that a teacher may find himself learning from an exceptional student, and such students are a pleasure to teach - worth many hours of extra-curricular activity.

source: albanypowerexchange